As I look back on 2015 and ahead to 2016 I don’t even know how to pray and what to ask for. I wonder what I prayed for as 2014 wrapped up as this was one of my more challenging years, but truly a year of growth as comes with struggle.  As it says in James 1:2-4, there are such blessings that come through trials.  A passage read this morning at church is a sums up of my heart last year: Philippians 4:4-13.

I am unsure what I want to ask for because I know the truth of asking for patience and God puts hard things before me that require me to make the choice to be patient or for peace and God allows me to confront anxiety in a whole new way so I will really know how to rest in his peace. Although the results are good, the process is not unlike labor pains. Childbirth is not easy in any way. Thinking back on the births of my four, it was hard.  I remember with my first, oh maybe an hour or so into pushing that I just couldn’t do it and that midwife was very direct (mean according to my mom but exactly what I needed) and firmly told me I could not give up and she continued to direct me and walk me through the delivery. In my fourth delivery, I remember it being much more difficult than #2&3 because I had to lay in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors for what felt like forever compared to the previous two. It was only about two hours, but it was hard and with each contraction, as I held onto Trevor, I kept repeating, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And despite the fast moving labor, excruciating pain, and not having time for an epidural (so thankful for that in retrospect) with my 2nd, all that melted away when I held my baby girl in my arms. After the 22 hours in the hospital hooked up to everything known to man, throwing up..  When my first was just in my arms, I remember saying, “I could do it again.” The pain that seemed like it would never end, then actually got worse before getting better was all worth it. I wouldn’t trade the blessing to avoid that trial in a million years. I’m not who I am today were it not for those labor pains and those four kids.  Likewise, I am not who I am today were it not for the sometimes excruciating trials God has walked with me through. Sure, I wish life was always happy and fluffy and easy, but growth and true blessing don’t come through those times. In those times we think we can do life on our own and need nothing from God. But he loves us too much to let us walk an easy path. He knows we eternally need him and if life is easy we won’t recognize our need for him. And though my eternity has been set for almost 30 years, I still need him every day for not just my salvation but the redemption of my day to day life. I have learned to shift my prayer from praying for a good day to praying that I will have a good attitude about whatever God holds for my day.

Resolve to
Commit again
Lead with love
To give up any grudge you hold – I’m gonna let go
Redeem the time – don’t wish for the future. Redeem the moment. I am going to bloom where he has planted me.
To walk in wisdom and take what you

Eph 5:15-33